Wednesday, 10 February 2016

A Witch's Brew to Writer's Block: The Recipe (2/2)

Hey Kristine and Butch!

(Wow, look at me, two posts in two days. *mini tea party* Lol.)

Anyway, I'm only ever so sipag active right now 'cause I realized my previous title might have been misleading. I promised a witch's brew, and Kiki didn't even make potions! Okay, maybe her mother did, but this puts Snape to shame. Such a dishonor to Severus' name. So I am here to avenge him. Or fine, maybe just me :))

I must warn you, though, this brew isn't so hard to concoct, but the preparations made before it are quite tedious. It is a long process, and you'll need (and I'm sorry for having to say this) a strong amount of ~commitment~.

Here's how:

I. Preparation
The Beginning
You must endure an internal struggle of telling yourself that 'you'll do it now', and 'you'll do it later', until you come to a point of finally settling on 'I'll do it later'. This must be your decision indefinitely. You cannot choose to simply finally get out of this rut, else the brew will be of naught.

To get to this stage, you may:
Option 1 - produce an output that is subpar to what you usually create, to feel the loss of sense in onself (my personal choice)
Option 2 - produce an output that is actually really good, that you feel like 'I can die now'

After a while, whether you choose option 1 or 2, you will actually do feel that you are dying. Do not worry, this doesn't mean the actual, biolgical, homo sapien that is 'you', but the you that is living inside of you. Yes, the spark and fire inside of you will be dying.

Prolonging the Pain
You read it right, after dimming the spark and fire inside of  you, you have to prolong the pain in (IMPORTANT:) about nine months with these easy steps that must be done chronologically as follows:
  • mingle with younger people to know that you are still doing better than them
  • meet new people with or without the possibility of sex
  • actually virtually meet someone, but not exactly meet him/her (prolonging the agony is key)
  • apply for a graduate degree program that you think will be your new calling, in the hopes of lighting a new passion in your soul
  • meet people from classes in this new thing you're pursuing who may or may not be in the same wavelength as you are
  • learn the art of crying
  • remember to keep the people (new or old) that you are in the same wavelength with, so that you still have people to converse with when the spark and fire in your heart are burning bright, BUT BE CAREFUL! DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT act on this, else the ingesting brew will be futile
  • buy books to display in your shelf and not read them at all
  • collect a complete set of the latest McDonald's Happy Meal
  • have your heart broken into a million tiny pieces
  • by this time, you will lose passion for that new thing you are pursuing, and you are allowed to not pursue that anymore (YOU STILL MAY PURSUE IT AFTER A WHILE; most likely after you intake the brew)
  • totally abandon without notice some of the new friends you've made in trying to pursue your "new passion"; this is better done in the middle of doing something important 
  • stop drinking your medication, 'cause by this time, what's the use? (most especially relevant during Christmas time)
  • explore your sexuality
  • come to terms with some of the previous steps, BUT DO NOT STAND UP ON YOUR FEET YET!
  • reconnect with your family by staying home for far too long
  • binge-watch approximately 6,000 minutes of Netflix originals: all three seasons of Orange is the New Black, Sense 8, and Jessica Jones
  • venture into watching porn (for educational purposes, of course)
  • rewatch Friends in its entirety
  • finally watch all the movies you've illegally downloaded, but didn't have the time for before because you were pursuing a new thing (but since you've kind of given up of that, I present to you: THE GIFT OF TIME)
  • rewatch what you feel like watching again i.e., Kiki's Delivery Service

The End
After (re)watching Kiki's Delivery Service, you might still want to prolong the pain by a couple of days or weeks, until, AND THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT, you are in Mt. Makiling, Philipines, and the weather is very chilly. At around 5pm-8pm, you shall intake this brew:

II. Ingredients
- coffee
- milk
- sugar
- hazelnut

Kiki's mother

III. Procedure:
1) Warm a cup of water to your preferred temperature.
2) In this cup, pour as much coffee as you need to get back to the business of writing, painting, witchcraft, or whatever it is you need to do.
3) Add milk until you feel it is light enough to brighten your mood.
4) Mix in three teaspoons of sugar, while dictating the name of one Powerpuff Girl per teaspoon.
5) Add hazelnut flavor for an extra boost of energy without that much added calories. (Also! This is what Nutella is made of, so it shouldn't hurt.)
6) Drink as fast as you can without burning your tongue for faster effect.

Side effects of this brew may include heart palpitaions, insomnia, feeling a little like the three Powerpuff Girls all at once, and an unhealthy addiction to coffee.

Final Ritual
By 4AM, check for the temperature and it MUST BE 18°C (you should still be in Mt. Makiling). This is when you begin to do what you have been putting off (in my case, it was writing), and feel the magic. This should last until you see yourself struggling again whether you should do it now or later.

(Maybe I'll post the recipe for procrastination here soon, or maybe I won't. Oh no, the brew might be wreaing off of me already!)

WARNING: This brew will not work if you do not follow the preparations exactly, and may be hazardous to your health.

Side effects of this whole ritual may include relapsing to depression, since 'prolonging the pain' needs your 100% commitment, and is very, very tedious.

Lola loves,

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