Tuesday, 5 May 2015

Scheduling my Life Together

Kristine!

So I'm starting a new routine where I sleep early, wake up early, do things normal functional human beings do when they wake up, do some yoga, and, well, that's all that I have for now.

I should probably pencil in writing on this blog, or any kind of writing for that matter, after doing yoga. Because yoga really does help you be all "center" and all that stuff, you know? It's not just an LA-fad, Kristine! Yoga actually helps with your well-being. At least, that's how I felt after doing it with the help of YouTube this one time. Haha.

But, yeah, I finally have a routine I can follow that's kind of productive, at least for my standards. My Manila therapist has been asking me to make one, and I hope to finally be able to retain this.


I'm not sure if you watch Skins, but this is Effy's schedule right after *SPOILER ALERT* her time in rehab that is very much similar to mine. She was diagnosed with the same mental illness as I have, and this was one of the first things she did when she got out. I guess I'm kind of late in doing so, but hey! We all have our pace.

I'm making a schedule similar to hers, and here's how it is so far:

- Wake up (preferably at 8AM)
- Eat breakfast (in which is the preferred time I check my social media accounts) / Make bed -(two are interchangeable)
- Brush teeth, wash face
- Do morning yoga
- Write (on this blog or in a notebook)
- Take a shower
- Lunch
- Walk (get out of the house, meet people, ride a bike, go places)
- Jog (by 6PM)
- Dinner (by 8PM)
- Pills
- Brush teeth, wash face
- Watch a show/movie
- Sleep (preferably around 10pm)

I know it's pretty basic, and I know that some people would want to trade lives with me if these are the only things in my schedule, but I wouldn't advise them that. Like I'd always say, I wouldn't wish this illness on my worst enemy.

It's so hard being human sometimes, you know? Like, I wish I can easily just get off of my ass, but it literally is so hard. It's like your bones are too heavy to lift up no matter how much will-power you try to muster. And sometimes you just feel lazy, but sometimes your chest also feels heavy at the same time, and you're not sure why (like those mean reds you quoted).

It sucks being like this, it really does. I just want to be normal.

I even have to remind myself to brush my teeth and wash my face. I know those are literally the most basic things you have to do in life, but when you have MDD, it is very, very, VERY difficult to do even just that.

In the words of Ned Vizzini,

“Some days I woke up and got out of bed and brushed my teeth like any normal human being; some days I woke up and lay in bed and looked at the ceiling and wondered what the hell the point was of getting out of bed and brushing my teeth like any normal human being.”
- It's Kind of a Funny Story

That's exactly how I feel sometimes, but I hope to get over that soon. I know I've been here for a while, in this cycle of "I'm good!", "I feel bad.", "Nope, this is it. I'm really better!", and "I feel bad again." But I know it's going to take some time. If there's anything Skins and Ned Vizzini taught me, this is a life-long struggle. But it will be better as long as you don't lose the faith.

Anyway, I can't wait to get that Novella! I'll probably be tweeting a lot about it, quoting it and stuff. See you in a bit!

Eiraye

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