Saturday, 2 May 2015

Masochistic millenials, sort of...

Hey Kristine.

So, yeah. "Get up!" was the right greeting when you wrote that. Unlike productive you, I woke up at around 12pm today feeling all icky 'cause of the heat. I did catch the rain, but I closed my eyes again and slept right through it.

And when I finally opened my eyes for the day, the first thing I did was look for my phone and turn on the wi-fi, like any millenial (actually, I hate it when people outside our generation calls us that 'cause there's always some form of judgment that follows about how their generation wasn't like ours, but better--but then again, I know we kinda do that to people younger than us; it's probably a lola thing--a getting older thing--but let's save that argument for later because this has become a very long run-on sentence).

But yeah! So one of the first things I saw was that page of BPRD The Dead Remembered you sent me via Messenger. I don't really read that, but I kinda hate how that "quot[ing] a comicbook out of context" thing works. Quoting anything out of context too, I guess.
...'cause it's true.

So you sent me that, saying "You to boys". Hahaha, thanks Kristine. Lol.

It's a funny joke, but like all jokes, it has some truth to it. I mean, why else would it be funny, right? Reality is funny.

And it kind of got me thinking, am I really like that? That I would push someone away if they were nice? Am I that much of a masochist that I only want to keep people who actually pushes me away?

Like, even with friends. I think I'm a very good friend 'cause I would always, always reply even if you don't reply to me. Or rather, if you don't reply to me (at a point).

Being masochistic (yes, I've done a test that actually, err, diagnosed me as masochistic), I sometimes don't reply to people who are, well, clingy. Especially if there's no reason for us to be clingy to each other. I mean, do you get it? We were never that close. This is annoying.

But I do try to keep my actual close friends, you know, close.

And maybe we all know people like that. You're really close for a time, and then you try to retain your closeness virtually because there's now all this physical distance between you, and then somehow you just drift apart. He or she won't reply anymore.

I'm always the one who people don't reply to anymore, though. I guess I'm optimistic in that sense. I mean, you shared something for a while, why does that have to end? It's not like you did anything bad to each other. You're just literally not that close anymore. Maybe you meet new people, and gain a new set of friends, but do you really have to disappear from each other?

It hurts when people cut you off. Hah, look sho's talking. I cut people off all the time. But not friends, though. I'll keep a friend as long as I could. I mean, we don't even have to constantly talk, but when I text them randomly 'cause something reminded me of them, or tag them in a post on Facebook, I hope they would at least acknowledge it?

I mean, really appreciate it when someone does that for me. I just thought they would too.

But I think I'm going beyond the point now, haha. This isn't reallly about me cutting off people, or guys, as you've so lovingly pointed out with that page, Kristine. Maybe this is about me trying to save something because I wasn't the one who decided it should end.

And maybe that's why I tend to cut it off with guys too? I guess I'm afraid of love. (Haha, wow.) To quote Taylor Swift, "A flightrisk with a fear of falling. Why do we bother with love if it never lasts?"

But to better explain it, here's a quote from another one of our favorite people, John Green:

"Do you know what your problem is? You can’t live with the idea that someone might leave."
-An Abundance of Katherines

Well, that turned out to be a pretty long entry (and quite randomly disorganized). I hope you have time to read it. And I hope you were able to go swim this afternoon! Tell me all about it, love.

Eiraye


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