Tuesday, 26 May 2015

Because we'd like to be Sheldon, but we're all just Jon Snows...

Dear Kristine and Butch,

I haven't posted here for a while. I'm quite sorry about that!

But, as you can see from the draft in the posts page, it was not for lack of trying. (I even made a video in the airport for this blog since it's inspired by the vlogbrothers, which features a lot of airport-vlogs, but I shall upload that soon!) I may have or have not been drinking my meds, hence this change in mood i.e., productivity. So please forgive me (and I know you will; lola's got to do what a lola's got to do!).

But to make up for lost time (haha, wow?), I'll be posting a pretty long blog that I also posted on tumblr. I know it may seem like cheating 'cause it's a blog post I made for my personal blog, not exactly for our "book club", but trust me when I say, you need to read this.

Quite literally, what is life?

I’m in a very strange place in my life right now where I’m questioning what the things I thought I knew were really are.
These include three very natural things starting with “life”. ~How cliche.~ And just when I thought I figured that out (again; which I haven’t ever really done), I started to question more, dare I say, trivial things like “love” and “sex”. 
Commence quarter-life crisis! Yes, it’s a thing. Get over your Babyboomer and Generation X selves for a second, will you?

LIFE | First, I thought life was pretty linear: birth, school, job/career (in which you have to be successful), marriage (again, success is implied), start a family (by this time, failure is tolerated by some extent), and eventually death (in which the success/failure of your life is determined by the last “three steps of life”). This was not a very good view of life especially when you don’t feel like you’re doing well on things you’re supposed to be “successful” at (at which point you begin to question, what the hell is success anyway?). This may or may not have driven me mad to the point of wanting to end this thing called life. I do not recommend this view/”meaning”.
So then I started thinking it was a cycle. You strive for these things so that your offspring can experience the same, if not better, in life. But then again, isn’t that selfish? You want “better” lives for your children so you spend so much time being “selfless” and it puts so much pressure on them to actually be better–to actually maybe reach the success you never had, which may drive them to that point of madness again, if not just pass it on to their offspring. That was a very long (run-on) sentence, which is also a representation of its “vicious cycle”. So, yeah, I do not recommend that either.
But then you realize it’s what happens in between those “life milestones” i.e., society’s expectations of you, that you actually experience life. Maybe. At least, that’s what life is for me right now. I’m taking it one day at a time, and since I don’t have a linear/cyclic path to follow, I’m pretty lost. It’s not a fun thing, being lost, but it’s an adventure. And this adventure has taken me to explore the next two things I am questioning.

LOVE | Okay, so what the hell is love? I guess storge love is the easiest to define. It’s the most natural kind of love, the love of a parent for its offspring and vice versa. But what about when you start to love people who you do not have any relation to (by blood or law i.e., steps), whether platonically (philia) or romantically (eros, which is distinct from sexuality)?
According to C.S. Lewis, sexuality is called “Venus”. It can be part of “Eros,” but on its own, it is not one of the loves, just desire (not to be confused with Lust, which is this desire expressed in a sinful way [such as Stalker with a Crush]). (source)
À nos amours (1983)

So when I was an undergrad, I was asked to define love, or how I knew I loved a person, in a psychology class. I remember saying that it’s when I’d take a bullet for a person, even adding “I know it’ kind of brutal, but it’s a pretty good measure.” And I still think it is as I write this blog. But a few years later and after a few encounters with what might have been eros, I’m not even sure if it’s a good measure anymore. I mean, yes, it is, but HOW do you measure that? Do I just ask myself do I take a bullet for this person, and if I answer yes, I love him? But what if I can’t even answer that? Does that mean that, no, you don’t love him? It was just a crush; you were just infatuated with him, or maybe it was just but lust. I mean, I don’t even really know what “infatuation” is, so how the hell will I know love? Eros, especially.
So, yeah. Unlike life, I don’t even have working definition of love.
SEX | Sex is pretty easy to define, right? I mean, I’m not even talking about sexuality or gender. It’s just sex; as Sheldon would refer to it, “coitus”. Yes, Dr. Cooper has a very spot-on and scientific term for it, but what if we do delve into sexuality/gender? How about lesbians, for instance? They can’t exactly engage themselves in coitus, but we know that they have sex.

So, what is sex? There are all these “bases”, for example, and supposedly you’ve only had sex when you’ve hit the homerun (i.e., coitus). But isn’t third base, heck, even second base, already sex? You are occupying yourself with all these sexual organs, after all. (Yes, I would say that women’s breasts are indeed very sexual because you need those once you have acquired an offspring–the supposed end-game of sex. Not always when you’re making one, but let’s be honest. A man will also need those to stimulate him and produce what he needs to to produce another human being, right?)
Not to mention, I have recently discovered that some people actually believe that as long as you don’t engage in coitus, it can be considered as only making out. Apparently, third base is just a part of making out now. YOU SEE MY DILEMMA HERE?
So, is sex strictly coitus? Or would you say it’s sex as long as sexual organs are involved? Or, is it already sex as long as you have the intention of going into coitus? (And this last question is very debatable because that would make kissing sex, which even I don’t want to consider at the moment.)
It’s funny how the definition of sex has now become more complex than love and life itself, at least for me. I mean, this is just sex. There’s also the issue of virginity that’s very closely related to this issue. Should it also be as relative as sex? Because it will be easy to determine this scientifically for women. I guess now we all know what the hymen is for. But what about men, and even women who are not straight? I am not sure how the latter will break their hymens, but if they’re considered devirginized when they engage with sexual partners (without coitus), should women and men who don’t exactly engage in coitus, but engage in other sexual acts be considered non-virgins as well?
I would like to stick with science on this, but with everything so fluid these days, I’d say I’m just lost as I am in life and, I guess, love.
Ack! Maybe this is why I’m so iffy about labels. Who knows anything these days? We are all just but Jon Snows.

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