Friday, 26 June 2015

"Assholes" are people, too!

I am writing this entry not in the “assholes”’ defense, but to put a certain mindset in a new perspective. I’ve been inspired to write about this after a talk I had with Eira on Holden Caulfield and generally people who are going through their angst phase. These people may have been us, too, at some point (I know I have).

You know what I hate? I hate it when people call other people who have caused them pain or mistreated them as “assholes” or “bitches” and actually believe it. I mean, I am guilty of calling people “assholes” or “bitches” when I’m pissed at them, but that’s just me being human, trying to cope by talking ill of other people for a moment. But at the end of the day, I’d still know that these people are just doing what they think they have got to do to protect themselves and everything else that they consider their own (status, position, material possessions, loved ones, time, etc), or that they’re just going through something, trying to figure themselves out, and it just so happened that you’re getting in their way. It’s not that people would mean to hurt you just because of who you are. You just happen to be there. You just happen to affect their goals negatively that they tend to be mean at you. It’s not something you did, it’s not because of whatever you’re made up of…it’s because of the circumstances. Aren’t we all just trying the best we can to make things work?

That lady at the office didn’t mean to snap at you because she’s mad at you. Hell, she didn’t even know who you were. She snapped because she’s exhausted and she didn’t like what she’s doing but she’s gotta do it for her kids who were, by the way, waiting for her to come home 'cause they rarely spend their time with their momma (not to mention the amount of unfinished homework they needed help with). But would the heavy traffic in EDSA make it easier for her to get all the rest she needed and all the time she could spend with her family? You betcha right it wouldn’t.

And it’s not just with strangers we encounter everyday. Disappointments like this can also happen with the people who we thought we could trust. The people who we thought will never bring us down. I know that feeling too well. And even though I’ve already believed that people aren’t, like, after me or plotting evil schemes against me, it pains me every now and then to think that some people who were really close to my heart caused me this kind of hurt. But I have got to thank J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye for reminding me of what it’s like to feel lost and confused and having no purpose in life. A lot of us who’s read the book can see ourselves in Holden Caulfield. But if you really think about it, Holden Caulfield didn’t seem to be much of a pleasant person. Which is why a lot of the people that he talked to felt uncomfortable around him in one way or another. But since the book is in the first person point of view, we also realized where Holden Caulfield stood. We know that he didn’t mean to be an unpleasant person. He just happened to be in an unpleasant situation, and it’s significantly affecting his behavior.

Of course, people are still accountable for their own actions. I guess this post is just my way of reminding myself that it’s not our fault when people let us down nor should we take it so much against them when they do us wrong. I'm not saying we should let them step on us and continue to disappoint us. It is just a reminder that we're all different people with different needs. The most that we could do is to stick with the ones whom we share the same outlook in life with and nurture our relationships with them, and be thankful that we're lucky enough to have found them.

Tuesday, 26 May 2015

Because we'd like to be Sheldon, but we're all just Jon Snows...

Dear Kristine and Butch,

I haven't posted here for a while. I'm quite sorry about that!

But, as you can see from the draft in the posts page, it was not for lack of trying. (I even made a video in the airport for this blog since it's inspired by the vlogbrothers, which features a lot of airport-vlogs, but I shall upload that soon!) I may have or have not been drinking my meds, hence this change in mood i.e., productivity. So please forgive me (and I know you will; lola's got to do what a lola's got to do!).

But to make up for lost time (haha, wow?), I'll be posting a pretty long blog that I also posted on tumblr. I know it may seem like cheating 'cause it's a blog post I made for my personal blog, not exactly for our "book club", but trust me when I say, you need to read this.

Quite literally, what is life?

I’m in a very strange place in my life right now where I’m questioning what the things I thought I knew were really are.
These include three very natural things starting with “life”. ~How cliche.~ And just when I thought I figured that out (again; which I haven’t ever really done), I started to question more, dare I say, trivial things like “love” and “sex”. 
Commence quarter-life crisis! Yes, it’s a thing. Get over your Babyboomer and Generation X selves for a second, will you?

LIFE | First, I thought life was pretty linear: birth, school, job/career (in which you have to be successful), marriage (again, success is implied), start a family (by this time, failure is tolerated by some extent), and eventually death (in which the success/failure of your life is determined by the last “three steps of life”). This was not a very good view of life especially when you don’t feel like you’re doing well on things you’re supposed to be “successful” at (at which point you begin to question, what the hell is success anyway?). This may or may not have driven me mad to the point of wanting to end this thing called life. I do not recommend this view/”meaning”.
So then I started thinking it was a cycle. You strive for these things so that your offspring can experience the same, if not better, in life. But then again, isn’t that selfish? You want “better” lives for your children so you spend so much time being “selfless” and it puts so much pressure on them to actually be better–to actually maybe reach the success you never had, which may drive them to that point of madness again, if not just pass it on to their offspring. That was a very long (run-on) sentence, which is also a representation of its “vicious cycle”. So, yeah, I do not recommend that either.
But then you realize it’s what happens in between those “life milestones” i.e., society’s expectations of you, that you actually experience life. Maybe. At least, that’s what life is for me right now. I’m taking it one day at a time, and since I don’t have a linear/cyclic path to follow, I’m pretty lost. It’s not a fun thing, being lost, but it’s an adventure. And this adventure has taken me to explore the next two things I am questioning.

Thursday, 14 May 2015

Blogging OCD

Hello Eira, who's probably in QC now, and Butch, who's currently in Ifugao (Ifugao!),

So here's something I really don't like about myself mostly because it drives me crazy, but other than that it could really be useful...I tend to get, I wanna say, obsessive compulsive? with the stuff I post on blogs. This is probably one of the reasons why I didn't get to maintain a blog for more than two years...that and because I had nothing substantial to say. Or maybe I did, I just didn't know how to express it.

I usually start with, okay, I want this blog to be anything. Just anything random. As long as I could express myself. As I go along, I would eventually feel compelled about keeping a certain theme or feel about the blog. And then I get inconsistent or I change my mind about that theme. Everybody gets this feeling, right???

So you guys remember my post 7 Reasons Why I Think I'm a Textbook Manic Pixie Dream Girl? Yeah, about that...I imported that post on my new personal blog and edited it there because I just realized that the third item on that entry (you know, the thing about flirting) was not what I was really trying to point out (I am sorry. I did not think this through!). I was gonna edit my post here, too, but Eira already quoted some of the things I said there. So yeah. If you wanna check v. 2.0, you can go here.

A few notes, too.

You see that header right there? That is a screenshot from the movie Song of the Sea directed by Tomm Moore. Artwork isn't by any of us three (haha I wish), JSYK, and it's just temporary! We're gonna have that changed soon.

That's enough justification for the day. I'll see you guys soon.


Saturday, 9 May 2015

Dissecting Your Dissection of an MPD

Truth be told, it took me a while to read your Manic Pixie Dreamgirl post, Kristine, 'cause it looks so much like those templated-BuzzFeed/Thoughtcatalog articles. But since I love you, and getting, let's call it lola mail, is always exciting, I went through it. And you know, what? SO ON-POINT! And I'm just going to go ahead and quote a few things from it even though it's just right before this post. (What? Lolas can be ulyanin.)

1) "Comics are cool. Why are you still surprised I like this shit? Is it because I’m a girl?"

THIS. It's funny how this is an MPD trait. I mean, isn't this supposed you to make you a big nerd? But I guess, since not a lot of girls are exposed to comicbooks (because I'm pretty sure a lot of girls will actually really like reading it if it wasn't so much packaged as a 'boy-thing' like how a Barbie is a 'girl-thing'), it makes you some kind of Legendary Pokémon.

2) "The intimacy was comforting, I guess, but that’s all it ever was, tension...'Cause it’s not always fun to deal with romantic complications."

Funny how you call it "tension". And I pretty much quoted that just to say, yeah, I guess that's what it was. To quote another MPD-ish twitter account,

3) "Smart underdressing is what it is."
Okay, for the heading of that one, you said, "A lot of people say I still look pretty even when I don’t dress up that much." Well, that's not really the case for me.

People only say that to me for the opposite reason--when I actually do dress up. And I like dressing up! It makes me feel good, and sometimes that's 'cause some people finally notice. That, you know, hey, I can look good too.

But "smart underdressing"? Yes, that is my peg in life. I dress up to look dressed down, and fabulous! Hahaha. But yeah, it's some MPD thing too 'cause, you know, "Smart undressing is what it is", and:

4) "Or that I when I finally get used to something, I'd have the tendency to feel trapped just like Clementine Kruczynski."

Actually, I never really analyzed Clementine as much, but this, this is me. A little Clementine Kruczynski, a little Margo Roth Spiegelman, escape artist.

5)And I can't help but agree with you in saying that "sometimes you just gotta have to be a manic pixie dreamgirl"

'Cause it's pretty cool too, you know? Beeing mysterious and ~fleeting~ and all that stuff. Yes, sometimes it may hurt people, but sometimes that's what it takes for people to learn.

Lola loves,

7 Reasons Why I Think I’m a Textbook Manic Pixie Dream Girl

Everyone loves a manic pixie dream girl. Even before the boom of romcoms and artsy hipster love stories, eccentric pretty girls have been around, frolicking and looking for trouble adventure. The glamorous Holly Golightly is a manic pixie dream girl. Other popular examples include Amélie Poulin of the movie Amélie, Clementine Kruczynski of The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Summer Finn of (500) Days of Summer, Alaska Young of the John Green novel Looking for Alaska, and to name a few. Their spontaneity and wit draw us to them and, at some point in our lives, we kind of wanted to be like that.

Recently, a twitter parody was made dedicated for this archetype of female characters in films. And reading the tweets made me think, I am a manic pixie dream girl! And I was narcissistic enough to come up with a list of reasons why this is so.

I tend to get very impulsive in making major life decisions that sometimes it scares my friends and family. A few years ago, I was in the middle of trying (or not trying at all?) to finish my four-year course when one of my ex-best friends (he’s a guy because, duh?) asked me to get a job in the city and move in with him and our other friends so we could be creative together while earning from our night-shift job. This sounded like a good idea since I didn’t exactly have a direction in life at the time so I went for anything that seemed fun. I applied for the job, and a lot of things happened since then that even led to me talking to a stranger at the street at around 2 am and flying to his hometown miles away a week after we met. And now, I’m back in college to finish what I’ve started. I’m so entangled in my own guts, even I don’t understand myself sometimes.

I like reading comicbooks and apparently a lot of people find that surprising and cool. Like, I don’t know, man. Comics are cool. Why are you still surprised I like this shit? Is it because I’m a girl? Just kidding, I’m not gonna start being all feminazi here. But, you gotta admit, the double standards exist!

Friday, 8 May 2015

A Song of Ice and Fire

Okay, first of all, this post isn't about Game of Thrones at all. I just wanted to use the reference (is it right to call it that?) because, well, it fits!

I used it, not to compare, but to say that I understand exactly how you feel about Liz Sherman. I related so much with a character who has these internal struggles at a time when I, too, had the same exact struggles. And since I'm a Disney-girl (or so Kristine says), guess who I'm talking about...

Queen Elsa of Arendelle, Frozen (2013)

Yeah, I know Frozen is overrated and every little girl (or boy) has watched it N times. But I actually saw this film before it blew up, and I... cried. I related to it so much, I cried. (And I don't cry, MDD and all.) I mean, it's really good, you HAVE TO ADMIT IT!

So we all know how the story goes. Elsa is the ice queen because she has all these powers that she doesn't know how to deal with. She used to be able to use it playfully, until she realized it can hurt people. In this case, someone she really loved--her sister. So for the longest time, she did was she was told, "Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know." Well, that is until she "can't hold it back anymore." It was time, she "let it go."

Okay, by this time, I'm just quoting lyrics from the most popular song in the movie. But this was also the part of the movie that I could really relate to; it was the part of the movie where I cried.

For the longest time, I had to "conceal" what I was feeling. There is so much stigma towards mental illness that I had to hide it, and I refused to "feel" it, even though I knew so well that there was something not right here. There's something wrong with me.

But for the sake of the people I love, I thought the best thing to do was just hold it in and, well, bear with it. But that was where I was very wrong.

I cannot hide my depression with a smile like Elsa tried to hide her powers with gloves, because at one point or another, you will have to take it off. People will notice; people will know. But what I didn't know back then was, people will understand, especially the ones you love, and those who truly love you back. It was even portrayed in the movie--Anna never gave up her sister Elsa.

But still, I went all Elsa and went off running away to a somewhere no one knew my name (and somewhere cold at that!) so I can find myself. But, just like Elsa realized, running away isn't the best thing to do. She even sings, "I'm such a fool, I can't be free. No escape from the storm inside of me." But then Anna tells her, "You don't have to be afraid."

I can go on and on about this, but we've all seen the movie, we've all been touched by it one way or another, and we all know how it ends. 

Yes, Kristine, we can all seek good counsel in fiction, may it be through fire or ice. And I hope to hear more from Butch too. 😃

Lola loves,

Thursday, 7 May 2015

On Liz Sherman

As you may have noticed, I’ve been reading quite a lot of Mike Mignola’s Hellboy comicbook series recently, and screenshotting Liz Sherman panels pretty often. Now we all know that people would most likely screenshot movie stills or comicbook frames to quote a line that they agree with or can relate to, and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.

If you never read any of the Hellboy comicbooks, you may know Liz Sherman as Hellboy’s pyrokinetic girlfriend in the movies (which are both directed by my favorite director, Guillermo del Toro). However in the comicbooks, I’ve never encountered an issue that suggests that she has any romantic relations with Hellboy (not that it’s a bad thing; it’s actually not a big deal).

I love Hellboy, okay? I believe I’ve already stressed that hard enough. I love it that it shows the constant battle between nature and nurture. I love it that despite having supernatural abilities, the characters there like Hellboy and Liz aren’t exactly invincible just because of said abilities because those aren’t the only things they’re made of. And, in this sense, it makes them human, too, no matter how different they may seem to be.

BPRD Hollow Earth

I don’t know what exactly was Mike Mignola’s intention when he created Liz’s character, but I always like to think that her “fire” is some kind of a metaphor for inner struggles that most of us face. See, there was a time in my life when I was depressed. Now I know that I’m never not sad about something; I guess loneliness is really just my overall disposition. But to be truly depressed, like the kind where you lose the will to live and, no matter how much you know that happiness is a choice and that life is a gift, your own feelings or whatever’s causing you to feel do not seem to be on your side, like they have a will of their own, as if they’re not yours. It’s like they just use your body as a vessel and you have no control over them. That’s how depression was to me.

And this is why, even though I’m not a pyro, I can feel Liz Sherman’s frustration so much because there are times when I, too, have no control of what’s inside me (which unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, isn't fire). How can my feelings be the master of me when I should be the master of them? It just doesn’t seem right.

You should also know that as much as being a pyrokinetic sounds really cool, because of this power and her inability to control it, Liz has hurt a lot of people, including the ones who mattered to her the most.

The Hellboy series was like a companion to me. Not only because of the awesome art and storyline, obviously, but also because as Liz tries to find her way, I find my way, too. And not just Liz, but the other characters as well. It's like seeking good counsel from fiction. We all do that a lot.

This was the thing I was writing about this morning which I deleted right after I posted it. The previous one I wrote was so much shorter than this. I guess I really should've taken my time on this one.

I wish I got my point through now because I really like people to appreciate or at least understand the fiction I take seriously. Haha!

Anyway, I'm gonna go and hit the sack now. Otherwise, I might not get any sleep again.

Night night!


Hey there, ladies

Ugh. I posted an entry at around half past 4 in the morning but decided to delete it after as I was not satisfied with how it turned out. This is the first time it happened to me since we created this blog!

But then again, it’s only about a week old, so.

I didn’t get enough sleep last night. I guess it was a bad idea to have some espresso frappe after an evening jog? So, yeah. I was exhausted the whole day that I didn’t go to any of my classes and slept in the afternoon.

Ack. I’m getting old.

Speaking of lists, Butch, I’ve always been listing down stuff, but, before, they’re not plotted on a certain timeframe. Sorry I wasn’t able to clear that out. I always enjoyed listing down things, too! And sometimes I even wrote reminders at the palm of my hand. But when it comes to daily, weekly plans, I sucked at that. One of my best friends who’s working now had a spare Starbucks Christmas Traditions Promo card last Christmas, and since she was as chuffed as I was about me going back to uni, she thought that maybe she'd just sell her extra planner to me at a friendly~ price. So I bought it. And it’s incredible how much a planner changed my life.

Not that all the credit goes to the Starbucks planner but, you know, it really did help a lot.

I’m going to talk about that thing I posted this morning some other time ‘cause I think I was making a good point there, it just didn’t seem like I got my message through when I wrote it ‘cause I haven’t got enough sleep. Plus, it’s easier to just rant than actually say something coherent. Or maybe that’s just me.

Don’t worry about my absences, guys! I’m far from excessive. And, I swear, I’ll attend all my classes tomorrow. Few more weeks before the semester ends.

I haven't seen you in a while, Butch! We should totally meet up one of these days. I'm really glad you joined our ~club~ 'cause this is one way we could really talk about stuff since you're so far away. A three-hour bus ride, to be exact.

Eira! Sorry I wasn't able to reply this afternoon. I was sleeping when you texted and I didn't have load.

I hope to see you guys soon!


Wednesday, 6 May 2015

Ian McKellen is NOT Dumbledore

Ohmygosh, Kristine, you're right!

My life has been a lie, and my dreams are somewhat shattered. Gandalf isn't Dumbledore at all. *a dozen sad-face emojis*

Ian McKellan didn't play Dumbledore; rather, he turned it down when it was offered to him after the death of Richard Harris. Oh my, my! (I even linked his IMDB page in my previous post, but didn't bother to check if he was even in the latter Harry Potter movies. For shame, Eira Raye!)

Ugh, but nonetheless, this saddens my heart. I have always thought that Gandalf is the same as Magneto, is the same as Dumbledore, and is now the same as Sherlock Holmes. But noooooooooo! Gandlaf is not Dumbledore at all. Apparently, this Michael Gabon person is Dumbledore (yes, I checked the IMDB page this time and all).

I mean, I'm sure Gabon is a pretty good actor. He is, like Ian McKellan, knighted by the queen of England, after all. But his portrayal was very much Gandalf-ish, and that has confused me for the longest time. Till now, in fact.

Mark this day, May 6, 2015, that I, Eira Raye M. Gruta, have finally woken up from the lie I have been living that Gandlaf is, in fact, not Dumbledore, and he never was. *heart breaks*

Well, anyway, that's that. I should probably stop geeking out (or be put out) about it 'cause our newest member has already posted an entry--oh-so grown-up with a signature and all.

This is so exciting, we're growing!

I must say, though, Butch, your post is so very ~adult~. I mean, nothing wrong with that, of course. I'm just really happy that, really? You want to join this thing? Hahaha. But like, now I kind of wish I had more ~adult~ things to say than yap about these thousand-year-old wizards.

I mean, listing down things for the day, for the week, for the month, for your life i.e., "goals", ack! These latter things overwhelm me. For now, all I am able to do is try to list down what I can do in a day. Weekly planning is a little too future for me. I guess it's also 'cause I'm in the recovering phase (again; I have relpased, huhuhu). But yeah!

Hopefully I'll be able to list down those goals soon. I mean, I do have an idea of what I want to do with my life now, at least. Maybe I'm a little less lost now that my life is slowly shaping up again (did I use that right--'shape up'?).

In any case, we'll figure it out together, yeah? And for now, let us bask in the joy of this enlighting new information (at least for me and Krsitine)--Ian McKellen is NOT Dumbledore!

Lola loves,

A Bunch of Stuff and... Say Hello to Our New Club Member Butch!

Wanna know something?

I don’t believe in time travel either.

Not time travel as we know it anyway. Like, the kind when you can travel from “the present” to “the past” or “the present” to “the future” and jump right back to “the present” any “time” you please and back to “the past” or “the future” again, like, seriously, how self-centered could “the present” get thinking that “the present” is what’s going on right now? Also, I don’t really see time as something like a linear timetable like we supposed it is where a person can just hop from one point to another, in theory or otherwise. I mean, timetables are good in this sense that it allows us to plot our actions at a given course of succession of instances. But the concept of time and timetables are just there to help us understand motion and motion in space and, well, that’s pretty much it. Time does not exist. All we have is a stream of forces in motion, moving and reacting, thus, things both living and non-living wear out and eventually die.

But then again, I’m no physicist, so what the jibber jabber is this all about?!

So, anyway, back to our human ways of measuring succession of things that push and pull each other, I’m so glad to hear that your schedule is working out for you so far! Who cares if you’re not following the schedule on time, at least you get things done? I mean, that’s the whole point of it, right? Following schedule on time is for expert-level grown ups, and we’re taking this adult thing one step at a time (or I may be just speaking for myself).

And HOLY PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN! Have I told you that he had a movie with Ethan Hawke?! It’s called Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead (2007). I didn’t get to finish watching the movie though. That was last year when I still had a job in Manila and tired easily. I must’ve slept through it. Anyway POINT IS! I saw his acting in that movie, and this was after I saw Capote, and he was an entirely different character there, it’s amazing. Like, you know how everybody just loves Johnny Depp but when he portrays a character, you can still see his Johnny Depp-ness in the character? It’s not like that with Philip Seymour Hoffman. And, yeah, it’s too bad that he’s already gone. He is awfully missed. I also clicked on the IMDb profile you linked in your post and, wow, I didn’t know he voiced over Max Jerry Horovitz in Mary and Max? Have you seen Mary and Max? Man, that movie made me cry. Probably still would if I watch it again.

Wait, Sir Ian McKellen was Dumbledore in the latter Harry Potter movies? I thought I was just being stereotypical like, ooh, just because he’s a gray-bearded wizard, he’s Gandalf already?! They can’t possibly pick Sir Ian McKellen for Dumbledore, he’s already Gandalf? But, man, oh, man, was I always right about these things.

And welcome to the club, Butch!

And, I mean, like, literally.

As you can see this blog is just…this blog. Think of it as a patchwork quilt with different patches of different patterns and designs and pieces of fabric sewn to form a much bigger piece of fabric that can pass up as a blanket. But still a blanket. As long as it covers and gives warmth, it doesn’t really matter what it’s made of (and as long as it doesn't itch, I guess?).

Happy Hump Day, ladies!

Much love and grandma kisses,

PS I see Butch posted her first entry already! Hurrah! I just finished this post when I saw it (dang it, I knew I should've prepared a post later!), so I'll reply to your post as soon as I get back. So happy that you're part of this...this...whatever this is! xx

PPS I think we're wrong about Sir Ian McKellen being Dumbledore in the latter Harry Potter movies, Eira. Welp. They both had gray beard?

First things first

Dearest Kristine, Eira, and you who's prolly a friend of ours reading this,

First off I want to start this post (I reckon this is the right time to stop using the word 'first') by writing that I look forward to contributing my own streak of randomness to this so-called book club. I hope me being at least 65km away from you guys won't affect the flow of ideas here.

Now, let me react to Kristine's latest entry. SLKDAKSJDAS WTH?? Did you really just discover the joys of listing down things? I am rather surprised and somehow elated that you are new to this "craft" since I will be able to share some tips based on my own listing habits!! I prolly don't look like one, but I can definitely say I'm a serial 'lister'. I find it very hard to move on with my tasks, be it with work or personal life, without writing one down. I even make a list of the lists I need to make so I won't forget them! That being said, here's a list of my notable listing habits in which, hopefully, you would benefit from:

 1. Dedicate a notebook or notepad sole for *correction* the purpose of making lists
I find it easier when all my lists are compiled since I can easily go back to the previous days' entries. I'm a very forgetful person (first sign of being a lola) so it really helps when I am able to review the things I have already done, which, naturally makes it a breeze to identify those I have yet to work on.

2. Don't just plan daily, plan weekly!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that it's useless to plan daily but I'm suggesting for you to give weekly planning a chance. You're able to get a picture of how your week will be like which will hopefully help you lessen double-booking yourself with meetings, lovely dates, catch-ups, etc. Also this aids you in...

3. Identfy (-ing) big rocks and small rocks
You know for a fact that hell weeks exist, regardless if it's at school or at the workplace. How are you going to cope when it seems that tasks keep coming your way?? Simple, prioritise. Identify the major things that will take up more effort and time in accomplishing, as well as the small rocks which will be easy peasy to do. Start working on breaking those boulders before throwing out the pebbles!

4. For daily planning, make sure to jot down next day's to-do at the end of your day
There were too many day's in that line but I hope you get what I mean. Make it a habit of reflecting on (today's) activities at the end of your day (after last class or before leaving the office) to easily identify tasks you need to accomplish the next day. Based on my experience, I tend to forget the very little things when I don't take note of it before going home. That's me, but try and experiment with how your mind works around these things!

5. Colour-code!
This is a personal favourite of mine since I love me some coloured pens. Whenever I make a to-do list for work, I usually assign a color for a specific group of tasks. This makes it easier for me to determine the work flow. Moreover this makes the work less daunting since the way it's written down looks fun!!

Now, I'm not saying for you to do these but maybe give 'em a chance? I would absolutely love to hear back from you guys if you do let yourselves be fooled into doing these! But hey, seriously, do keep me on the loop on how it goes.


On fluidity...

Good afternon, Kristine.

It's 2PM and I just finished my "morning" yoga. So much for calling it an A.M. thing. In which, did you know that A.M. actually stands for "ante meriden"? It means "before midday", when I so obviously have done it post-meriden (which is what P.M. stands for).

But what does it matter? Time is fluid; it is just but a concept that humans came up with to try to make sense of the world. Aaand this is also why I don't believe time travel is ever possible. But then again, science is fluid too; everything is, I guess. So I shall wait for the day physics proves me wrong.

But I'm going beyond the point. Way beyond it, in fact.

I just wanted to update you that it is day two of the routine I'm trying to establish, and I am pretty happy about staying on schedule. Waking up at 8AM is still quite impossible for me. I do have alarms (yes, plural) that're supposed to wake me up at that time, but I keep hitting snooze until even the alarm gives up on me. (Or maybe I am able to stop the alarm from making any more noise whilst half-asleep; I'm not sure.)

But I have been doing the things on my schedule, although not in the sequence and timeframe that I intended. But I am doing the things! And I am very proud of that.

This brings me back to the time when I was able to handle things like a normal, functional human being, with a thousand things on those datebooks you say are so helpful. I don't know how I was able to do that back then. (Even my psych says so, mentioning that you were able to finish your undergrad studies, what happened? Well, I wish I knew.)

Ugh, I can't help but be proud of you that you are able to do that now, 'cause, you know, I know you've gone through this phase as well. It gives me hope. To know that, like you, I can also get back on my feet. #CHEESE

Okay, enough mush. So, I haven't actually been able to read Breakfast at Tiffany's yet, but I have started watching Capote (2005)! "Started" because I haven't finished it yet. (I had GA last night which pretty much messed up my whole schedule, blah, blah, blah. But, hey that was productivity too!) I had to stop the movie 'cause I was getting sleepy 'cause of my meds too.

But, anyway, man, you are sooo right! Philip Seymour Hoffman is GREAT. This isn't like the man I watched in Mockingjay, and I think he's perfect for that role--Plutarch Heavensbee. He was able to totally transform himself into another character, and very well at that too! Such a shame ha had to die.

And it also got me thinking, since he was such a perfect Plutarch in The Hunger Games movies, how will they ever replace him? Will it be like how they replaced Richard Harris as Dumbledore in the first Harry Potter movies with Gandalf/Magneto Ian McKellen?

Harris was such a perfect Dumbledore, don't you think? All soft and grandfather-like, unlike McKellen who's, well, Gandlaf/Magneto-like. I mean, not that McKellen wasn't able to transform himself into Dumbledore. He's definitely not typecasted as Gandlaf/Magneto; he's a pretty damn good actor and has done a lot more movies to be so. But he had a different take on it, and it was not the Dumbledore I imagined.

I guess, Ian McKellen is just fluid (there's that word again) as an actor. He's even going to star as Sherlock in a 2015 film called Mr. Holmes, you know? (But he's still not my Dumbledore. It was like Gandalf trying to be Dumbledore. Huhu. *nerd alert*)

Well, I hope whoever plays Plutarch in Mockingjay Pt. 2 will be as good (or maybe even better) as McKellan in being as fluid as an actor.

And I hope we can be as fluid as people too, you know (wow, full circle on fluidity). With all these changes happening around us everyday, adapting to them is all we can do right now. And I hope we're adapting to them appropriately.

And speaking of changes! I think we have a new lola in the house. Welcome to the lola book club, Butch! Hope you'll be able to catch up with the randomness of these posts and stuff, hahaha.

Lola loves,

ERRATUM: Ian McKellan never played Dumbledore. Sympathize with me on this with this post: Ian McKellan is NOT Dumbledore

Tuesday, 5 May 2015

Cue: That Jordin Sparks Song

I am going to put off writing my library research first so I can reply to your post (also because it’s part of my writing process, as it is to everyone’s, to procrastinate before gathering all my guts and typing in the first word on my paper) ‘cause, wow, writing a schedule? Like, man, I’m not even being sarcastic right now. Okay, so, I’m not sure if anyone else realize this, but organizing all the things that you have to do in a day or in a week or, basically, just having a set of plans or goals, doesn’t matter if long-term or short-term, is like some really hardcore grown up stuff. It’s like seeing your less-than-a-year old brother walk on his two feet for the first time, ever. And, nope, nope, I’m still not exaggerating on how psyched I am at this.

I’m not sure, Eira, if I’ve told you this, but it was just by the start of this semester did I truly appreciate the ~wonders~ of listing down to dos on a planner. Boy, did it change my life. Seriously. Has everyone known about this? Ugh. You guys are amazing. I'm really, truly envious. Envious and impressed.

I forgot what the exact quote was, it’s just something I saw on my Facebook feed, but it's something along the lines of… dang it, I can’t put it in my own words. I’m gonna go try search for it on Facebook. Hang on...

Ah, here it is!
"Don't think about what can happen in a week, in a month, or even in a year. Just focus on the 24 hours in front of you and do what you can to get closer to where you want to be."
Now any wiseacre might say, “How are you going to reach your goal if you’re not going to anticipate what’s going to happen in a year?” You’ve got a point there, Mr. Smartypants, but, to me, the quote just means that the future is beyond anybody’s control; that’s a fact. Things could happen that may disrupt all our plans, but the most that we could really do is to take the steps needed in order to get closer to our goal, regardless of the misfortunes that may (or, you know, may not) come our way. When I started having this kind of mindset, things got easier for me. And you know that that’s saying a lot, based on the amount of screw ups I had during my first years in college. It’s really funny how life can be simple sometimes, until these chemicals in our bodies and overthinking screw it all up. But we’re in this together, Eira. Like you said, everyone at their own pace.

I have nothing else to share for now ‘cause, uhm, we kinda just had a date at the library? Except for that one thing I told you about this afternoon, but, like what I just said, one step at a time. I’ll do that other thing first before I worry about the next.

Don’t worry about finishing Breakfast at Tiffany’s too soon. We just live in the same town, so, it’s okay if you and my homeboy Truman would have some…slumber party there or whatever. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did. Or, you know, sob fest.


PS Jogging tomorrow, yes?

Scheduling my Life Together


So I'm starting a new routine where I sleep early, wake up early, do things normal functional human beings do when they wake up, do some yoga, and, well, that's all that I have for now.

I should probably pencil in writing on this blog, or any kind of writing for that matter, after doing yoga. Because yoga really does help you be all "center" and all that stuff, you know? It's not just an LA-fad, Kristine! Yoga actually helps with your well-being. At least, that's how I felt after doing it with the help of YouTube this one time. Haha.

But, yeah, I finally have a routine I can follow that's kind of productive, at least for my standards. My Manila therapist has been asking me to make one, and I hope to finally be able to retain this.

I'm not sure if you watch Skins, but this is Effy's schedule right after *SPOILER ALERT* her time in rehab that is very much similar to mine. She was diagnosed with the same mental illness as I have, and this was one of the first things she did when she got out. I guess I'm kind of late in doing so, but hey! We all have our pace.

I'm making a schedule similar to hers, and here's how it is so far:

- Wake up (preferably at 8AM)
- Eat breakfast (in which is the preferred time I check my social media accounts) / Make bed -(two are interchangeable)
- Brush teeth, wash face
- Do morning yoga
- Write (on this blog or in a notebook)
- Take a shower
- Lunch
- Walk (get out of the house, meet people, ride a bike, go places)
- Jog (by 6PM)
- Dinner (by 8PM)
- Pills
- Brush teeth, wash face
- Watch a show/movie
- Sleep (preferably around 10pm)

I know it's pretty basic, and I know that some people would want to trade lives with me if these are the only things in my schedule, but I wouldn't advise them that. Like I'd always say, I wouldn't wish this illness on my worst enemy.

It's so hard being human sometimes, you know? Like, I wish I can easily just get off of my ass, but it literally is so hard. It's like your bones are too heavy to lift up no matter how much will-power you try to muster. And sometimes you just feel lazy, but sometimes your chest also feels heavy at the same time, and you're not sure why (like those mean reds you quoted).

It sucks being like this, it really does. I just want to be normal.

I even have to remind myself to brush my teeth and wash my face. I know those are literally the most basic things you have to do in life, but when you have MDD, it is very, very, VERY difficult to do even just that.

In the words of Ned Vizzini,

“Some days I woke up and got out of bed and brushed my teeth like any normal human being; some days I woke up and lay in bed and looked at the ceiling and wondered what the hell the point was of getting out of bed and brushing my teeth like any normal human being.”
- It's Kind of a Funny Story

That's exactly how I feel sometimes, but I hope to get over that soon. I know I've been here for a while, in this cycle of "I'm good!", "I feel bad.", "Nope, this is it. I'm really better!", and "I feel bad again." But I know it's going to take some time. If there's anything Skins and Ned Vizzini taught me, this is a life-long struggle. But it will be better as long as you don't lose the faith.

Anyway, I can't wait to get that Novella! I'll probably be tweeting a lot about it, quoting it and stuff. See you in a bit!


Monday, 4 May 2015

On Why Truman Capote Could be Your Next Favorite Author

Hello, Eira. Typing from my friend’s apartment.

You would be pleased to know that I have finally retrieved my copy of Breakfast at Tiffany’s from my friend and that I can finally lend it to you as soon as we see each other again. What do you know, we’re actually slowly turning into an actual book club! But my outward enthusiasm about lending you this book is not just about the novella’s literary merit. It’s more on how it could be relatable to you as it was relatable to me during the time I was depressed and couldn’t make sense of or validate how I was feeling (speaking of validating feelings, you know how I’ve been feeling so confused about my ~love life~ recently? Well, after talking to a friend last night over, I regret to say, a pack of cigarettes, I’m finally beginning to find clarity in my situation. But I’ll save this for another blog post or for when we meet again).

Allow me to tease you a little by leaving this photo here:

And a quote that I think we would both agree with:
"It’s a bore, but the answer is good things only happen to you if you’re good. Good? Honest is more what I mean. Not law-type honest--I’d rob a grave, I’d steal two-bits off a dead man’s eyes if I thought it would contribute to the day’s enjoyment--but unto-thyself-type honest. Be anything but a coward, a pretender, an emotional crook, a whore: I’d rather have cancer than a dishonest heart. Which isn’t being pious. Just practical."
Truman Capote, Breakfast at Tiffany's

Have a good week!


Saturday, 2 May 2015

Aliens and Mush

Okay, so first off? Chuls and I didn’t get to swim this afternoon because turns out he went to sleep at around 6 am, so I didn’t bother waking him up until 1 this afternoon. And he’s got work at 5 pm so we barely had the time. We did go out, nonetheless, and took a stroll from Freedom Park to the DTRI Dairy Bar so he can finally try the chocolate milk there. It was divine, of course.

I wasn’t that productive today. If anything, it was quite the opposite. It was a rather lazy Saturday, and I thought that that’s okay. After all, it is the weekend. I’m gonna have to work on my library research on Monday though. Otherwise, your mom would kill me (haha, no, not really, but she’s been kind enough to let me take her class on such a late notice and it would be ungrateful of me to be causing her any trouble).

I totally get what you mean about being the one who always tries to reach out. Okay, so I cut some people out in the past, too, but that’s only because the relationship was already getting dysfunctional and unhealthy. I would rather cut people out than stay in a relationship just waiting for the day that I would want to strangle the person in their sleep. But, unless there is a reason other than proximity that would push me away from a really close friend, I'm not one to lose in touch with them and, if anything, would even try to keep in touch constantly. This is what I like most about you, Ate Owen, and my other bffs. I know that I overthink a lot and, at times, we disagree (the movie On the Job is brilliant; that is a fact) and I may often get impulsive and foolish. Despite all that, you still stay and put up with me. And I really appreciate that. ‘Cause, honestly, I don’t even know if I can put up with me.

And, and I hope that you won’t beat yourself up to it. You always try, Eira, I know you do. To be a good friend, the best friend anyone could ever have, to be a proper functional adult, to be the best version of what you are. And if things don’t go out as planned even after you put so much love and effort onto it, or even if you don’t, please know that you’re already enough. You are so enough. And to the people who don’t see your effort on trying to connect, they may have their reasons--reasons like they may have forgotten, because life is changing so fast, they can barely catch up, they get so preoccupied about holding themselves together. Everyone is doing the best they can.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about going in and out of romantic relationships, it’s that you can’t let too many people in your life, for there are only very few of them that you can trust your life with, people who would truly care about you, not just because you’re the only person around. And those are the kind of people I live for.

I guess given the time we have spent together, you already know where I’m getting at. So, enough of my gibberish. I’ll just end this post with a song by The Maine. 'Cause we really need to quit throwing up in taxi cars...

Love and cheese,

Masochistic millenials, sort of...

Hey Kristine.

So, yeah. "Get up!" was the right greeting when you wrote that. Unlike productive you, I woke up at around 12pm today feeling all icky 'cause of the heat. I did catch the rain, but I closed my eyes again and slept right through it.

And when I finally opened my eyes for the day, the first thing I did was look for my phone and turn on the wi-fi, like any millenial (actually, I hate it when people outside our generation calls us that 'cause there's always some form of judgment that follows about how their generation wasn't like ours, but better--but then again, I know we kinda do that to people younger than us; it's probably a lola thing--a getting older thing--but let's save that argument for later because this has become a very long run-on sentence).

But yeah! So one of the first things I saw was that page of BPRD The Dead Remembered you sent me via Messenger. I don't really read that, but I kinda hate how that "quot[ing] a comicbook out of context" thing works. Quoting anything out of context too, I guess.
...'cause it's true.

So you sent me that, saying "You to boys". Hahaha, thanks Kristine. Lol.

It's a funny joke, but like all jokes, it has some truth to it. I mean, why else would it be funny, right? Reality is funny.

And it kind of got me thinking, am I really like that? That I would push someone away if they were nice? Am I that much of a masochist that I only want to keep people who actually pushes me away?

Like, even with friends. I think I'm a very good friend 'cause I would always, always reply even if you don't reply to me. Or rather, if you don't reply to me (at a point).

Being masochistic (yes, I've done a test that actually, err, diagnosed me as masochistic), I sometimes don't reply to people who are, well, clingy. Especially if there's no reason for us to be clingy to each other. I mean, do you get it? We were never that close. This is annoying.

But I do try to keep my actual close friends, you know, close.

And maybe we all know people like that. You're really close for a time, and then you try to retain your closeness virtually because there's now all this physical distance between you, and then somehow you just drift apart. He or she won't reply anymore.

I'm always the one who people don't reply to anymore, though. I guess I'm optimistic in that sense. I mean, you shared something for a while, why does that have to end? It's not like you did anything bad to each other. You're just literally not that close anymore. Maybe you meet new people, and gain a new set of friends, but do you really have to disappear from each other?

It hurts when people cut you off. Hah, look sho's talking. I cut people off all the time. But not friends, though. I'll keep a friend as long as I could. I mean, we don't even have to constantly talk, but when I text them randomly 'cause something reminded me of them, or tag them in a post on Facebook, I hope they would at least acknowledge it?

I mean, really appreciate it when someone does that for me. I just thought they would too.

But I think I'm going beyond the point now, haha. This isn't reallly about me cutting off people, or guys, as you've so lovingly pointed out with that page, Kristine. Maybe this is about me trying to save something because I wasn't the one who decided it should end.

And maybe that's why I tend to cut it off with guys too? I guess I'm afraid of love. (Haha, wow.) To quote Taylor Swift, "A flightrisk with a fear of falling. Why do we bother with love if it never lasts?"

But to better explain it, here's a quote from another one of our favorite people, John Green:

"Do you know what your problem is? You can’t live with the idea that someone might leave."
-An Abundance of Katherines

Well, that turned out to be a pretty long entry (and quite randomly disorganized). I hope you have time to read it. And I hope you were able to go swim this afternoon! Tell me all about it, love.


One Fine Saturday Morning

Eira! Eira, get up!

Oh my gosh, this day is turning out really well! I woke up at 8-ish and fixed myself a cup of Kopiko Café Blanca (not advertising, I’m just saying…), farmed for some items and coins for my pet in, err, Happy Pet Story, then started reading the third and last of BPRD The Dead Remembered, which is part of the Hellboy universe. Then it started to rain! So, so, cozy! It’s that kind of rain that doesn’t hurt. It’s that kind of rain that’s like a peck on the cheek and does not sting. It’s wonderful and the air is cooler. I hope it stays that way. My lips have been chapping for days from all this heat, it’s not funny.

Sigh. Rain, Hellboy, and my favorite instant coffee on a Saturday morning.

Also, isn't it amusing when you quote a comicbook out of context and it tells you so much about your own life?

Professor Bruttenholm is that uncle we all wish we have.

I'm hoping to go for a swim with Alex and Chuls this afternoon. If Chuls is ever getting up, that is. In the meantime, I'm gonna go carry on with my Hellboy binge reading.

Let me know how your day goes!


Friday, 1 May 2015

Are we out of the woods yet...are we out of the woods...are we out of...are we...

Speaking of comics, Eira, I’ve been meaning to tell you about the comicbooks I’ve read recently. And when I say “tell” I meant like to really discuss on what I liked and not liked about them, and most especially the things that stuck to me after reading them.

Let’s start with Emily Carroll’s Through the Woods.

Through the Woods is an anthology of five creepy short graphic stories that may or may not remind you of works by Edgar Allan Poe, Shirley Jackson, H.P. Lovecraft, and Neil Gaiman. You know how much of a sucker I am when it comes to horror and, essentially, stories with macabre themes aka that stuff that makes you awed and scared both at the same time. Although this kind of genre is already a bait for me, Through the Woods has become an instant favorite because of how put-together the illustrations look like with the text. And when you chance upon a graphic story like that (think: Asterios Polyp), you know you’re reading something special. Also: creepy factor. How can anyone just not fall for that?

I know what you're gonna say after reading this: You already saw it coming. I know, I know. All the same, it's an awfully brilliant collection.

Also, isn’t it convenient for you that you currently live in Forestry? Ha.

Happy reading! Mu ha ha ha ha


PS You might also wanna check Emily Carroll's really awesome tumblr she's created with Vera Brosgol that consists of period outfits. Because period outfits.

PPS We can discuss more on the stories included in Through the Woods after you read them. We may want to put a SPOILER WARNING on that post, too, obviously.

But some kind of club...

Well, Kristine, maybe not so much because we're cranky ('cause we pretty much are; not denying it), but rahter, 'cause we're just "too old for this shit" to quote Roger Murtaugh.

Yeah, yeah, I know. We're just in our early 20s and that's not old at all (as older people would say, but then again, younger people would think we're dinosaurs). But for us, at least right now, we are totally very Roger Murtaugh.

But we wouldn't want to put his name on our title, now, do we? People might think this is some kind of fan site. Nope, just two ~old ladies~ contemplating about life, and dare I say, love? Ha ha.

And regarding that talk on life and its pointlessness, and how you don't want to make it all pointless, well there's this DC quote that I just read that's quite relevant to us right now:

"Life doesn't give us purpose...We give life purpose."
- The Flash

Lolas who read comic books, yep.

This may not be a formal book club, but in some way it is. Our book is life. HAHAHA. That was wayyy too cheesy for me. But, yeah, there's so much shit in popculture we compare our lives to, and that's probably how we'll defend that, if anyone ever others to ask, lol.


PS. Since you did that cheesy shit with the "know that I’ll always be here to point and laugh at you when you make a mess of yourself" I'll be cheesy too. Um, same to you. HAHAHA. #ITried

A Book Club that's Actually Not a Book Club

Correct me if I’m wrong, Eira, but the reason why we called ourselves “lola” (which is a Filipino translation of “old women” or “granny”) is because we’re cranky (not to stereotype all grannies as being cranky all the time at the littlest things, but you gotta admit, a lot of them are?). And why can’t we be? While life is many things, right now, to us, it is confusing and depressing and, in a way, pointless. And to me, personally, pointlessness is kind of the nature of life. But who am I to say that, right? I can only know so little within my lifetime. But am I gonna let that pointlessness stop me from making my own purpose and igniting my own warmth? You’re right. I won’t. So what is my point here (do I have a point here? *starts to rap jk*)? The point is, so while you and I struggle with whatever’s preventing us to feel unlost, this blog will be our own little hearth where we can find comfort and warmth and insert-more-warm-and-fuzzy-feels-here. Because life is many things, my love, and one of them is that it’s something we can participate in and share with other people. And while it may cause us pain most of the time, know that I’ll always be here to point and laugh at you when you make a mess of yourself.

And why book club?

Fight Club. The Breakfast Club. Two Door Cinema Club. Bombay Bicycle Club. The Joy Luck Club…